I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
