I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
MIDGETS
????
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
