She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize