wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
