is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
