And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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