If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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