I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dick very happy bro
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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