mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
