oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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