so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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