his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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