so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
