He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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