drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
