wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Farmville is her only friend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize