dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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