I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
