I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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