new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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