And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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