Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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