She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
