It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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