so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
