I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
