does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
