oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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