as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
