ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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