im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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