Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
