allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dick has a subreddit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
