She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
