I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Your tits are I can't wait for
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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