Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
