so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
