Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
