I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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