Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
