So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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