hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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