So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
