just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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