The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
