Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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