When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
