Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't put those talents on a resume
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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