3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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