i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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