planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
