brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
