Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
