I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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