I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
