dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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