Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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