Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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