I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
