Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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