Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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