its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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