I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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