I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
