Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
