Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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